I want to take off my clothes and be really fucking sexy.
Why are most religious people up God’s ass so damn much? I get it bro, God and stuff. I’m sure getting praised by a bunch of thirsty ass niggas all the time has gotten old for him. Just be cool about loving him, you don’t have to act like a super attached crazy girlfriend… Thank you for trying to “save my soul” though, that’s super nice of you.
It’s a funny thing how guilty I feel for being the person I am. Sometimes it will send me into a depression that will last for days. Looking back on it now, I realize that I’m a pretty fucking good person. I see people with a broken moral compass, doing horrible things and not feeling an ounce of guilt. Lol, measuring guilt with things like “ounces”? An ounce in reference to what? Anyways, I keep wondering how they’re so well off and comfortable in their own skin. It makes no sense to me. Why do I have to suffer so much when other people are just fine and fucking dandy with being awful and toxic. Is having a strong sense of humanity just a side effect of my depression? Is depression what makes me stop and observe the world in ways that other people don’t? Probably… If so that means I’m only a good person because I suffer so damn much.
Whenever I say that the world would be better off without me in it, people’s say, at least everyone who’s close to me say, “Of course it wouldn’t.” and lists off a few reasons why. But I feel like if they actually thought about it, saw what I see in myself, their answer might differ from the default suicide prevention sentence. Half the nights I’m alive are a prime example of this, and also half the days. My existence is sad, I will drag you down, your life will be busy with the worst experiences and I will be the cause of them all. I should kill myself.